When Things Get Tough – Scum Rises To The Top

I have an international reputation for being honorable, faithful, dependable, honest, trustworthy person! I know this be true because just this past week I have received at least 25 messages from people all over the world telling me so. My reputation is so good that these people are willing to send me millions of their dollars that will soon be lost because of the legal technicalities of a dead relative or some other manmade legal disaster. Their issues must be serious as some of them have managed to find all four of my e-mail addresses to ensure I hear their pleas for help.

A reasonable person might find it odd that if I am such a trusted person, why do they feel I would be compelled to help them break international banking laws. Admittedly, I do have a “bucket list”, but it does not include prison time, domestic or otherwise.

Here are a few samples of messaged I received:

Mrs. Rose George informed me that she have successfully transferred the funds out of her bank because of my sincerity, courage and trustworthiness' I’ve showed at the course of the (some unknown to me) transaction she wanted to compensate me and show her gratitude to with the sum of $750,000. It seems that I need to contact her lawyer in Bangkok, Thailand to claim these funds. I’m not even sure I understand what she is saying….

A bank offered me a loan with a very low interest rate of 5% per year in form of student, business, car, house, mortgages or any other financial assistance ranging from $1,000.00 to $5,000,000.00 (wow). I’m told their loans are well insured for maximum security, and it is a priority for them. Everybody is qualified to obtain a loan from this company. All I had to do was fill out the fields below – of course that included some personal information.

The kind people of Nigeria seem to trust me. I’m not sure what is in Nigeria, but there seems to be a lot of cash coming out. I estimate that I have turned down nearly $500 Million from them over the last decade.

My military record must have wow’d someone as there are Soldiers in Iraq sending e-mails asking me to hold cash that was found in one Saddam’s Palace’s. I guess the Army is impressed with the 13 days Sea Duty I had in the Navy (not bad for three enlistments). Obviously there have been changes in the Uniform Code of Military Justice since my day.

Admittedly, times are tough for some people right now. If you see something that looks too good to be true, recognize it for what it is. If in doubt, ask for impartial advice and trust the counsel received. Remember, unless you’re sitting at your mom’s table – there is not free lunch.